So This Is How Being a Grandmother Feels

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They can nurture their relationship with their grandchildren so that if they ever have to take over their care, the children won't feel that they are being turned over to strangers. They can create opportunities for the grandchildren to be with extended family, to get to know aunts, uncles, and cousins. Those family members also often step in during family crises. Pointing out a parent's faults is seldom productive. Even children who know that a parent has a substance abuse problem want to believe the best about their parent. Hearing a grandparent verbally attack a parent is likely to cause problems in the grandparent-grandchild relationship.

In addition, parents can be quick to cut off grandparents who are perceived as working against them. The most essential thing that grandparents must do is to preserve contact with their grandchildren. Sometimes grandparents struggle with staying quiet, feeling that they must take a stand when parents engage in unwise and destructive behavior. Doing otherwise feels inauthentic and wrong. If only it were that easy!

And staying quiet does not constitute an endorsement of their behavior. If grandchildren bring up the topic, however, grandparents may take advantage of the opening to discuss the dangers of substance abuse in a way that is age-appropriate. It is still best, however, to refrain from placing blame. Parental substance abuse can have a wide-ranging impact on families. Often, there are economic consequences, as the addicted parent can have difficulty holding a job or may miss work. Sometimes children are given basic care but don't get help with homework, health routines, grooming, or other non-essential but important items.

If they readily step in with economic aid, they may be enabling a parent's habit by making it possible for them to spend even more money on alcohol or drugs.

Stolen Child

The usual money mistakes that grandparents sometimes make with adult children can have a greater impact when substance abuse is in the picture. Generally speaking, it may be best if grandparents bail out the parents only when not doing so will have a direct and detrimental impact on the grandchildren.

Even when parents struggle with abuse, they usually still see themselves as loving parents and want to fill the parental role. Thus, it is important for grandparents not to overstep boundaries. A grandparent who is afraid that there is no money for school clothes, for example, can offer to take the grandchildren shopping and can even include the parent in the excursion.

This is a far better solution than just buying clothes for the children without asking the parents or allowing them to have input. Children whose parents abuse drugs or alcohol may suffer a variety of emotional effects. These include:. Of course, statistics also show that children of substance abusers are more likely to have such problems themselves. Still, the majority of such children do not end up as substance abusers, and the presence of loving grandparents can be a positive force working against the repetition of the cycle.

Substance abuse in a family also affects a child's psychological and social functioning. Children feel at fault or feel that they must try to fix things. When children react in this way, they often feel a lot of pressure. They may feel that they must be perfect in every way. Grandparents can help by taking any opportunity to point out that the situation is not their fault and that they do not have the power to fix it.

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So This Is How Being a Grandmother Feels

They can encourage their grandchildren to do their best but let them know that it's also okay to mess up occasionally. At other times, children under-perform or act out. This is a more difficult syndrome for grandparents to handle. They can try to stave off academic difficulties. There are many ways that grandparents can support their grandchildren in school.


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Children whose parents abuse alcohol or drugs are often reluctant to bring friends home. This reluctance can impact their social development. Grandparents can help by sometimes including their grandchildren's friends in outings and visits. This is a practice that needs to be developed early on, however.


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If grandparents don't include friends when their grandchildren are young, it's unlikely to work when they try to include the friends of tween or teen grandchildren. Yes, many grandparents would prefer to have their grandchildren all to themselves rather than sharing time with their friends. Still, what is best for the grandchildren should be the controlling factor. Although substance abuse on the part of a parent doesn't automatically qualify as child abuse, abuse can occur when a parent is under the influence.

Children can also experience neglect, usually defined as a failure to provide food, clothing, shelter, or medical care. Neglect can also occur when parents fail to protect children from risk. Grandparents who know that grandchildren are being abused or neglected are legally and morally bound to report the situation, even if it is the grandparent's own child who is at fault. Betsy Farrell. Catherine Pulsifer. Grandmothers always have time to talk and make you feel special. Italian Proverb.

Grandmothers and roses are much the same. Each is a God's masterpiece with different names. Janice Elliot-Howard. There are grandmothers out there who would move heaven and earth for their grandchildren. Lois Wyse. A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend.

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Janet Lanese. Louisa May Alcott.

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Pam Brown. Barbara Cage. Welsh Proverb. Perfect love sometimes does not come till the first grandchild. Prince William. As I learned from growing up, you don't mess with your grandmother. Marcy DeMaree.

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. Helen Ketchum.

So This Is How Being a Grandmother Feels - Chris Shea - Google книги

Phyllis Theroux. David Jeremiah. Every parent knows that children look at their grandparents as sources of wisdom and security. Deborah Williams and Linda A.